This is me in my early 20’s when I thought that I was really ugly!
BE BEAUTIFUL © 2006 Bridget Cameron
Feel beautiful, be beautiful! Do you believe that you are gorgeous, beautiful and a being full of love? If you don’t than read on, for I will try and help you to believe that you are.
At the centre of your being, resides a glorious being, full of beauty and love. The key to getting in touch with your beauty is by embracing it, loving it, nurturing it, and paying attention to your needs.
We are all beautiful beings, unique in our own beauty. It seems a shame to me that, many people think they are ugly because they don’t fit the image of popular media culture. The fact is, we are all beautiful, no matter what our body shape, colouring, or creed may be.
Whether we are young, mature or old, we all have a special something that comes from deep within. We all have an inner beauty, a spark that shines when we smile. We all have an inner perfection, an idealistic self.
Eighteenth century philosopher George Berkeley, proposed a theory of idealism in which says that the real world exists only by virtue of our apprehension of it-that material objects exist only as conceptions, or ideas in our minds. Thus, many of our perceptions are internally constructed, and the amounts of kudos we give them depend upon the amount of emotional input we give them.
Therefore, when we feel awful, we look awful to ourselves, as this is the state of our feelings, even if externally others see us as beautiful. Thus, it is our ‘feeling state’ that makes us feel good or bad, or anything in between.
It therefore makes sense to listen to our feelings, but to also have a certain amount of objectivity about them. What do I mean by this? There is nothing wrong in feeling our feelings, for they are our feelings, and they tell us a lot about our bodies, and our state of mind, as our emotions are linked directly with them. But, when we feel awful, it is not worth drowning in our feelings, for we have a mind that can direct us out of our depressed state, and into a more positive state of mind.
It is this synthesis of body, emotions and mind that link us directly with spirit. And, at our core, our spirits, we are already whole and complete and perfect anyhow.
The psychologist Carl Jung, talked about the archetype of perfection that we all have within us. Thus, although we may not see ourselves as perfect, there is essentially a part of us that already is. And, it is this truth that leads us to heal ourselves, by finding that well of love and beauty that exists deep within us.
So, how do we get out of our state of self-loathing and into a state of mind and emotion that makes us feel good and beautiful?
The key here is to unlock the crap, and recognising the crap for what it is, crap. Crap is negative self-talk, and the negative beliefs and attitudes that keep us bound in a negative state. By recognising the crap, we have the choice to keep it, or to let it go!
But, how do we do this?
The first thing to do is to listen to your bodies and to your mind chatter, and you do this by being still. Do you remember the last time you were really still, with no interruptions, and no people around you?
When we stop, we give ourselves permission to tune into our inner thoughts, our feelings and our bodies. By being ‘still’ we can hear the chatter in our minds, and can feel the discomfort in our bodies. Find a quiet place where you can be uninterrupted. Turn off your mobile, take the phone off the hook, this is your time for you!
I will now take you through a relaxation/meditation sequence, first taking you into your bodies and emotions, and then taking you into your thoughts.
Please sit up, or lie down, whatever position makes your feel comfortable. Relax, take some deep regular breaths, in and out, not forcing the breathing, just letting your abdomen rise and fall comfortably. Concentrate on letting your ‘in’ breath, take the same amount of time as your out breath. You may like to initially count, maybe holding in for 3 counts and then ‘out’ for 3 counts, until you have a regular rhythm that you feel comfortable with.
It is important to breathe abdominally, if you can, letting your breath fill your abdomen. By breathing in this fashion you fill your solar plexus with life giving prana (vital life force) and photons and breathing deeply, mindfully and regularly helps remove anxieties that you may be carrying in your belly. Your abdomen is the seat of your flight/fight mechanism, it is the seat of our instincts. If we are holding onto fears and anxieties, we will feel the tension in our bellies.
When, you have your breathing regulated, focus on stilling your body, making it as still as you can. Feel it heavy, feel it so heavy that you feel yourself becoming part of the floor, or bed, or chair that you are next to. Tell your body and mind to relax deeply.
Now, that you are relaxed, feel your body. Are there any twinges, or aches and pains? Acknowledge them, feel them, touch them, massage them and send them thoughts of love. At this point you may also like to ask your higher self, what colour is needed at those spots and send that specific colour directly. This can aid in the healing process for we essentially ‘light beings’ whether this be the photon particles that are part of our molecular structure, to our auric electro/magnetic fields and soul substance, as the ancients said, the body is a vehicle for the soul.
This now completes the body sequence.
Now it is time to listen to your body’s thoughts. Just let your body float in its own thoughts. Let your thoughts go where they will. Do not try to force them to go anywhere. Listen intently to those thoughts. Now, ask your self what it needs to know now. Are there any messages? Have you noticed any phrases that are repeated? Are you hearing a song? If you are, really listen to its lyrics. What are they trying to tell you?
It may help you initially to write down your most pressing issues, in order to remember them. You may hear your internal voice tell you that you are ugly, or that you are not good enough, or not intelligent enough. You may even hear somebody else’s voice tell you these things. Maybe the phrase was repeated many times, or maybe even once, but you are still carrying it around with you.
Such baggage needs to be addressed, for as long as you are carrying this emotional baggage, your affairs in life will be sabotaged.
Have you ever wondered why people don’t smile at you and give you the attention that you feel you deserve? If this applies to you, then you may be carrying around a belief that says, “ No one loves me”, or “I’m invisible”, or “only people who are glamorous get attention”. These beliefs are of course ‘crap’, for no one deserves to be unloved, and unrecognised.
Now, try and remember who initially said these inappropriate and false belief to you. When we are children we have many authority figures (parents, care givers, teachers and perhaps even peers) that influence our actions and our perception of ourselves. That is, we often believe unquestioningly the truth or the validity of others’ statements to us. If other people also say the same things to us and about us, then this only strengthens and conditions this false belief making it a distinction in our minds.
We all carry many of these around with us, some more than others. And, if we want to grow, it is imperative that we deal with our internal baggage.
There are many belief-changing techniques ranging from CBT and CBET( cognitive behavioural therapy, and cognitive behavioural emotional therapy) which disputes irrational beliefs, records and evaluate thoughts and beliefs to test validity of belief system, and evokes emotions from trauma that can be released in the ‘present’; subliminal recordings of positive thoughts that counteract negative beliefs about self, affirmations, visualisations, dealing with unexpressed past emotions in the present (gestalt therapy), psychodrama ( reanacting past trauma in safe environment with someone who had been where you are )holographic repatterning, and the use of light in therapy, as well as kineseological (body/emotion) interventions. A combination of all of them are probably the best prescription, however use the one/s that best work for you.
I will now tell you a story about how I overcame the false belief that I was ugly. I remember most of my life feeling ugly. I remember children in the playground teasing me, taunting me, bullying me and throwing rocks at me, and at times I was knocked unconscious, and no one came to help me. I remember being told that I was ugly by strangers, and I was physically and emotionally abused by narcissistic family members and so called friends. As I am an empath, I naturally attract narcissists, who look for kind people for their ‘ supply’, so there was a huge learning curve for me in learning about my own boundaries, and detecting those that were out to abuse me. I also can not remember my own mother telling me that I was beautiful. Because, I believed what these people had told me, and because of their nasty actions towards me, I felt that I was ugly. I also felt that I was not worth any attention or respect as I was not worthy and that my only role was to serve those that abused me.
As I grew up, I didn’t go out very often, and became a recluse. The more I became a recluse, the harder I found it to socialise. After some soul searching, I realised that the reason I felt ugly, was that I couldn’t remember being told that I was beautiful, and that those I served only accentuated my feelings of ugliness and unworthiness, by telling me about how stupid, or ugly, or hopeless I was… I could remember people telling me that my freckles were ugly, and that I was fat, and that I that my hair was too thick, that I ‘stunk’ or many other horrible things. At a deep level of my being, I literally believed these accusations as ‘truth’, and because I believed these falsehoods I acted in a manner that told others that ‘I was ugly and unworthy!”
I sat in the bottomless pit of self-loathing for some time, until I had had enough and honestly questioned this belief. “Was I really ugly?” On who’s authority were those people given the right to tell me such things, and why did I believe them in the first place? Why was I even listening to them, instead of my own internal authority? Valid questions don’t you think?
By asking these questions, I also realised that the world can be a mirror, and what we see is often a reflection of our beliefs and what we feel about ourselves; unless people are projecting their own insecurities upon us, and it is up to us to discern the difference! So, I decided to become more sociable, in an environment which was non-mainstream to test my hypothesis, as I’m not into ‘popular culture’.
By becoming active in a musical organisation ( full of artists who are not mainstream), I in fact found the opposite to be true. People would hug me, and welcome me, and invite me out, as they were seeing me as I truly were. Were these the types of behaviours that people would show to someone who was ugly? The answer was no, NO! And, the more I opened up to others and myself, the more I was welcomed.
It didn’t take long, for people to start saying things like, “You’re very attractive and beautiful”, and that is exactly how I was feeling. The more I loved myself, and the more I respected myself, the more beautiful I felt on the inside. And, the more beautiful and loving I felt, the more I attracted others who were beautiful and loving too. And, in time I began to see that we are all beautiful and loving creatures.
So, please don’t listen to those self-loathing voices that tell you negative things about yourself. Deal with the crap the best way you know how. If the crap is dredged up again, recognise it quickly for what it is, CRAP, and let it go! Develop a crap filter in your mind, where you can process it, and disintegrate it, even if that is as simple as saying, “No! I don’t believe you!” and then quickly thinking about the opposite and then doing something meaningful that will distract you from the negative conditioning.
For, you are beautiful, and lovely and deserve to be treated so, if you have done the work! The more you love yourself, the more others will love themselves too, for you will set an example to others to be themselves, for we are after all, in it together!